The three hardest words to say...

No, not the three words you might be thinking of....nothing as mushy and sweet as "I love you". For me, the 3 hardest words to say are "No, thank you". I think part of it is that I'm a "people pleaser" - I like to see everyone happy and if saying yes to something I know I should have makes someone happy, I'll do it. I also think part of it is not accepting the reality of being overweight (technically, obese - but I can't wrap my head around that). I don't "feel" obese, if that makes sense - I know I have tons of clothes I can't wear, some that I felt I totally rocked 20 lbs ago...but, I still think I have this disconnect from reality. So, it's hard to say no to something when you don't fully grasp how much work there is to do. I mean, I see the numbers - I'm a huge numbers person so I have iPhone apps, graphs, charts....you name it. I have goals and projections, fully aware of when I should hit goals and milestones...yetI still have a hard time accepting that this is my reality. My husband is naturally thin and a part of me that "forgets" I can't keep up with him - and sometimes, I just need to say "no, thank you" when it comes to something he can have/do that I shouldn't/can't. For example, on Saturday, after a long hike/walk, we went to Ben & Jerry's - I had every intention of getting yogurt (at least it was better than ice cream) but when Mike ordered me the regular ice cream, I didn't speak up. Then the woman said "two scoops, right" and I should have said "No, thank you - one is fine)....but, I didn't. I knew I was consuming 400+ calories of ice cream but I couldn't speak those words. (for the record, I only went over for the day by 68 calories! :) I guess I feel like saying "no, thank you" is like wearing a scarlet letter that says "watch out, she's obese - do not feed her!!" Yes, I have many, many issues which is why I'm still in the shape that I am in. But, I'm becoming more aware and I'm ready to start finding my voice...it's a painful journey at times, though.