A long time away....

Well, it's been too long - way, way too long - since any of us have updated here....and the scale shows that!

It's amazing what happens when you enter total denial - especially when you know better.  In early January, Jess joined WW's and was having success on the new P+ plan, so Laurie and I joined on 1/30/11.  My initial weight was no suprise - I had gained a lot from the time I stopped blogging in September.  But, coming back here, and seeing my old weights, truly hurt.  I started WW's at 191.6!!!  That is now my highest weight, non-pregnant, ever - not a goal I was shooting for.  As of Sunday, our 3rd wi, I was down to 185 - so, a loss of 6.6 pounds in 3 weeks - which is really excellent for me.  Today, at home, I'm at 184.2 - and I'm thrilled.  But, I had just said to Laurie on Sunday that what I struggle with is mentally beating myself up that right now all I am doing is fighting to get myself to a weight that I was at just a few short months ago - that pisses me off.  I know....I do know....that I need to let it go, I know I'm on the right track, it's what I'm doing now that counts....blah, blah, blah....I'm still pissed.  My lowest weight while doing this blog, was, I think, 181.6 - though I've lost over 7 lbs, I'm still almost 3 pounds heavier than that now - so, yes, that pisses me off.  I think it's partly because I wasn't at this new high for long (thank god) so the reality of it never had time to sink in.  I know from tracking that my lowest weight in all of 2010 was 180.8 - there is a part of me that won't really feel successful or proud until I'm below that - stupid, I know.  I could be going in the other direction, but I'm not - I'm working hard.  But, I'm still pissed.  Right now my only goal is to hit my 10% (172.6) which I hope to do in early April - it will be over 3 years since I've been down that low and I have a closet full of clothes waiting for me.  But, first I need to get past the mental block of being pissed off...

On another note, what I am proud of is the gym!  I have consistently been going to the gym for 7 weeks now - through snow, sleet, rain, 8 degree temperatures, etc., - I have been getting up at 5:20 am and hitting the gym (6:45 on weekends).  I go 5 to 6 times a week and hit the treadmill for 35 to 45 minutes (with one long endurance day on Sunday's - usually up to an hour or more at a steady pace).  The rest of the days I do intervals (alternating between a fast pace and a high incline, and now I've added running).  Next week I'll start the C25K program - we are doing the Revlon 5k in memory of my sister on 4/30 and my goal is run at least half, if not more.  Two days a week I do strength training and every time I do stretching and sit ups (ugh!).  It's down right odd how much I'm enjoying it - while I hate getting up, I love going at that time of day and I always feel better after I go - even my knee pain and headaches have subsided a lot!

Lastly, I wanted to comment on the new P+ plan - sometimes I hate reading the ww's boards because I just don't get it - there are people who are miserable on the new plan and say that they are not losing or even - gah! - gaining!  I just don't get how that's possible.  To maintain my weight or gain, I know I was eating over 2,000 calories a day - now I'm eating anywhere from 1200 to 1500 - so, I'm losing.  And losing well!  How are they gaining?  No matter what your points, it comes down to calories in vs calories out.....!  But, I like it - I hated momentum - 22 points a day felt like nothing - I felt like I was always playing games to stretch it out.  Now, I feel like I have enough to be satisfied - yes, some of my favorites went up in points....so, guess what?  I need to make better choices!  I can't exsist off all carbs now - and that's such a good thing!  I always eat my AP's and most of my WP's (I try to leave 20 or so but that doesn't always happen) and my average weight loss has been 2.2 pounds a week - ta da!!  Now that rocks!  I am usually not such a big "loser" - the one time I was really succesful on ww's my average was only 1.7 lbs a week - so, I do expect this to slow down a bit - but for now, I'm thrilled to wi and I really like the new plan.  I used to have my 100 calorie coffee cakes for breakfast everyday - at 1 pt, what a bargain!  But, of course, just because they are 100 calories it doesn't mean they were 100 of the right kind of calories!  But, at 3 points now, I haven't had them since I started.  So, now breakfast is oatmeal, or a light Thomas WW english muffing with a tsp of peanut butter - 4 points and soooooo much better of a choice!  :) 

I'm a junkie....

Well, a scale junkie that is! I weigh myself every day - I truly know better, but I do it anyway. I am the queen of research - if there is something I am interested in, or affects my life, then I throw myself into finding out all there is to know. So, I've read "Why the Scale Lies" I know the scale fluctuates all the time, for various reasons. But, my morning starts with a jump on the scale. The only time I don't do it is when I've given up or don't care anymore. Since Friday, the scale has been up and down - higher than my WI on Friday, or just a little lower. Yesterday was a bad day - I had horrible allergies all day so barely moved off the couch. My solution was to graze....all.day.long. Stupid, I know. Counterproductive, I know. But, it was comforting and made me feel better. I know I went way off track - though, not horribly as most things were my normal low-fat/low-calories stuff, and cereal ended up being my dinner...but there was chocolate in there too. So, imagine my shock when I get on the scale today and it's .8 lower than the day before. It makes me crazy! So, even if I'm on track all day today, will the scale move back up tomorrow? Who knows, but it makes me crazy....because it makes no sense! I know I should be looking at the bigger picture and only be concerned with my week, not a day, and with my Friday weigh in, not what the scale says everyday. But, I torture myself with this crap. I have both an iPhone app and a spreadsheet where I track my daily weight - why? I think when it's on a downward trend, it keeps me motivated. But, when it's moving upward, or bouncing all over, it makes me depressed. So, why do I do it? All I need to focus on is today - just for today, I need to stay on track. Just for today, I need to drink my water. And just for today, I need to think about the bigger picture.

Being so oddly anal, I do have a record of my lowest weights over the past 8 years from my many attempts at WW's and these are my mini-milestones that I would like to get to. The first one is only 5 lbs away - totally do-able, right? Here they are -

178.8 on 9/25/05
176.8 on 12/31/06
174.8 on 4/19/06
174.2 on 5/29/05
169.8 on 2/6/05 (will move to "overweight" bmi)
166.4 on 9/19/04
162.2 on 7/4/04
150.8 on 1/28/03

(For the record, this is only WW's weights - I did get down to 160 in 2008 on my own - so I have seen most of those numbers since the dates listed above. But, again, I'm just using my 8 ww's books for this).

Oh - and edited to add....my lowest weight in 2010 has only been 180.8, so, I'm hoping to beat that number by the end of the month. Seriously, enough with the 180's...kicking you to the curb for good! :)

I need to set up little rewards for myself along the way (even though some of them are only 2lbs away from each other). What are your little goals going to be and how will you reward yourself? (obviously, better health and lower weight is a reward in itself, but it's fun to have a prize to keep your eye on! :)