My love/hate relationship with the gym....

I have a love/hate relationship with the gym in our town – luckily, it’s about 80% love and 20% hate. I love that it’s cheap (woot!) and I love that it has tons of cardio equipment! I have never, ever had to wait for a treadmill, which is always a good thing, to me at least. I don’t love that at certain time’s it’s filled with 16 to 20 year old guys who are just there to show off or whatever. Like the guy who was on some machine I will never use in my life and kept slamming the weights down, causing the whole building to shake! (yeah, Mister, I’m talking about YOU!) I mean….really? But overall it’s a great, no frills place to get a workout in. I don’t get to go as often as I’d like, needless to say. During the month of July I could go in the mornings while my son was at summer enrichment and meet up with a friend or two (that’s the other blessing/curse of this gym – it’s still relatively new, it’s cheap and it’s in the center of town – so there are lots of people you know at times. So, sometimes it’s hard to accomplish all that you want to because there are people stopping by to chat…) Anyway, I digress….(which I do a lot…) My friends and I would hit the treadmills and chat and next thing you knew, an hour would be gone. But, after 4 weeks, summer enrichment is over and my son is home all day and not old enough to be left alone yet. My husband leaves for work at 6 am, and I’m just not that committed that I could get up at 5 am when I don’t have to. So, right now I manage to get there 2 to 3 times a week and the other days I walk outside either in the mornings or in the evenings – and I always aim to get 10,000 steps on my pedometer. Once my son goes back to school and I go back to work, I’ll figure out a new plan that will involve more gym time. But for right now, this is working. (there’s also swimming, playing with my son and some Wii Fit in there – as long as I move, every day!!)



Anyway, today is a quiet, lazy Sunday at our house, so I went to the gym. I do love Sunday afternoons there, as it’s pretty empty. I had been on the treadmill for about 20 minutes or so when I noticed a girl and two guys come in. I don’t usually try to watch others, and I am definitely not trying to be judgmental, but even with my iPod I get bored on the treadmill and I can’t help but people watch a little…. Now, all three of them were young and very large (which is another good thing about this gym – lots of different shapes and sizes, so you don’t feel out of place or uncomfortable). I noticed they had gone on the elliptical machines and after 5 minutes, the girl got off and went to the juice bar. They sell fruit smoothie type drinks I believe (I’ve never tried them) and they had jars of different powders so I’m assuming they were some kind of protein or health drinks. She proceeded to order one and sit down and drink it. I realize I don’t know her at all and I have no business judging her – but, it made me sad. You are in a gym – why are you sitting there drinking a smoothie rather than working out? I don’t know her story – maybe she’s never worked out and is taking it slow? Maybe she is recovering from something and can’t work out much? I don’t know and it’s not my business. After 15 minutes, the guys got off, she finished they all walked downstairs, which is where the serious weight lifting room is, as well as the ladies gym….oh…and the exit. I don’t want to assume that they left, but that’s what it seemed like. And it made me sad. When you are in a place where the stars and moons have aligned and you “get it”, you want everyone else to “get it” too. You want them to know that they CAN do it, they WILL do it and it’s really not so hard – it’s even fun to a certain point. And seeing results? Awesome – words can’t describe it. But those rewards come with the sweat that was pouring down me at the gym (yeah, I sweat a lot…it’s gross). It doesn’t come with 5 minutes on the elliptical and a fruit smoothie. If it did, everyone would be fit.

So, she made me sad. And reminded me that it takes hard work to get where you want to go. I hope that I see her at the gym again. I hope that she looks like a rock star. I just hope that she “gets it”.


To quote Jillian Michaels "Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t."


And that ladies and gents, is exactly the plan!   :)

Trying to plan....

Today was a typical summer Saturday at our house...that means the pool, friends (or family), food and liquor. I had woken up to find a 1 lb loss on the scale from Friday, which was a nice surprise - and while it's not "official" and I know how we fluctuate from day to day, I still wanted to try to not blow it. Then, my hubby came home...with Dunkin' Donuts...

Yes, the glazed donut...how I love thee!!  But, I realized that part of long term/life long changes means either going without or figuring a way to work around it.  So, I had one glazed donut for 220 calories and more fat than I am comfortable with.  In a past life, I would have had 2....maybe even 3.  (True confession time - Laurie and I would stop at Dunkin Donuts sometimes after our WI in at WW's...how embarrassing!!)  So, I had one - I enjoyed it, and then....I went to the gym!  I wasn't going to let myself off the hook with just splurging on a donut - I had to work for it!  And the deal was that I had to burn off 300 calories, minimum, which I did.   I'm not trying to justify this as a way to eat crap for the rest of my life, or have a treat everyday....but just to say that sometimes, it's okay to give in....but it's never okay to just give up.  So, instead of saying "look, they're here, I'm here...it was meant to be...!!", I had a treat, I worked out and life moved on.  Maybe someday I will be that person that never touches sweets, refined sugar, etc., ever again - but, it's not today.  It's baby steps around here, all the way.  Some day Laurie, Kate and I will have to go into the kind of food we grew up on and how picky we are as eaters (well, not Kate as much...)

After the work out, and some house cleaning, I wanted a "real" breakfast so I had my usual cheerios and 1% milk (I love Cheerios, I have to admit...).  Lunch was a tablespoon of peanut butter on whole wheat bread.  For the evening, we were having friends over and on the menu were the usual hot dogs and hamburgers, but also grilled chicken, fresh corn and baked potatoes.  I made some good choices, I made some iffy choices.  Again, it was still a long way from what I would have done a month ago - and once I was done, I was done - there was no late night snacking tonight.  (which is a huge victory for me - I am a HUGE late night snacker).  Normally, I save some calories for the night snack, and keep it smaller than it used to be.  But, tonight was the first time where I said "I know I'm full, that's enough".  I didn't want to eat *just to eat* when I know I probably went over my calorie intake for today.  Because I ate a large meal, which I haven't been doing lately, with a lot of sodium in it, I know the scale may be ugly in the morning.  But, I also know it's just temporary...it's not a white flag saying "I can't do this"....it's a chance to say "today is a new day, what better choices can I make?"  Like taking the leftover grilled chicken and throwing it over some veggies or a salad....  :)  Bottom line is that it is what it is...and we had a great day!   I wish I could be an all or nothing kind of person, but it's not who I am....life is too short to not have the occasional glazed donut.... as long as you can find balance.

And right now, for me, balance = sleep!!

Time to go......

Ok girls, going away and I will do my best to be good. I had a .5 gain this week and hope to see it go back down and not go up! I will be doing a lot more walking, so that is a plus and will try to make good choices in eating........will post my weight when I get back! Have a good week!!!

A good day....

Yesterday was a really good day - I wish I could always be so on track. Breakfast was a 100 cal Hostess coffee cake early in the morning, with Cheerios and 1% milk later in the day. Lunch was 2 slices of light wheat with 2 slices of kraft 2% cheese melted on them. Snacks included apple slices and a sugar free jello (with cool whip). Dinner was sooooo good - we had a garlic ceasar salad with the Perdue shortcuts honey roasted chicken on top, plus a garlic breadstick. I don't really use salad dressing so the whole meal was 370 calories yet it was filling and so good. For dessert we went to Dairy Queen and I was able to have a small chocolate cone with rainbow sprinkles, then a small 100 cal pack of Doritos later that night. I ended the day 30 calories under target yet I was satisfied and not feeling deprived.

So, if I know I can have such a good day, why is it so hard to do that every day? The only negative was no exercise but its been so humid that I haven't been motivated - though, I'm still trying to get my 10,000 steps in. All in all, add in the exercise and more water and this is what I hope to accomplish every day. I know I can do it, but it's getting your head into the "I will do it" thinking that's harder. One day at a time, though....

I'm a junkie....

Well, a scale junkie that is! I weigh myself every day - I truly know better, but I do it anyway. I am the queen of research - if there is something I am interested in, or affects my life, then I throw myself into finding out all there is to know. So, I've read "Why the Scale Lies" I know the scale fluctuates all the time, for various reasons. But, my morning starts with a jump on the scale. The only time I don't do it is when I've given up or don't care anymore. Since Friday, the scale has been up and down - higher than my WI on Friday, or just a little lower. Yesterday was a bad day - I had horrible allergies all day so barely moved off the couch. My solution was to graze....all.day.long. Stupid, I know. Counterproductive, I know. But, it was comforting and made me feel better. I know I went way off track - though, not horribly as most things were my normal low-fat/low-calories stuff, and cereal ended up being my dinner...but there was chocolate in there too. So, imagine my shock when I get on the scale today and it's .8 lower than the day before. It makes me crazy! So, even if I'm on track all day today, will the scale move back up tomorrow? Who knows, but it makes me crazy....because it makes no sense! I know I should be looking at the bigger picture and only be concerned with my week, not a day, and with my Friday weigh in, not what the scale says everyday. But, I torture myself with this crap. I have both an iPhone app and a spreadsheet where I track my daily weight - why? I think when it's on a downward trend, it keeps me motivated. But, when it's moving upward, or bouncing all over, it makes me depressed. So, why do I do it? All I need to focus on is today - just for today, I need to stay on track. Just for today, I need to drink my water. And just for today, I need to think about the bigger picture.

Being so oddly anal, I do have a record of my lowest weights over the past 8 years from my many attempts at WW's and these are my mini-milestones that I would like to get to. The first one is only 5 lbs away - totally do-able, right? Here they are -

178.8 on 9/25/05
176.8 on 12/31/06
174.8 on 4/19/06
174.2 on 5/29/05
169.8 on 2/6/05 (will move to "overweight" bmi)
166.4 on 9/19/04
162.2 on 7/4/04
150.8 on 1/28/03

(For the record, this is only WW's weights - I did get down to 160 in 2008 on my own - so I have seen most of those numbers since the dates listed above. But, again, I'm just using my 8 ww's books for this).

Oh - and edited to add....my lowest weight in 2010 has only been 180.8, so, I'm hoping to beat that number by the end of the month. Seriously, enough with the 180's...kicking you to the curb for good! :)

I need to set up little rewards for myself along the way (even though some of them are only 2lbs away from each other). What are your little goals going to be and how will you reward yourself? (obviously, better health and lower weight is a reward in itself, but it's fun to have a prize to keep your eye on! :)

The hardest part of the day.........

is Monday through Friday from 7:30am to 3:30pm.......all I want to do is eat, eat and eat some more (not s'mores......but they do sound good!)! Today I had cereal for breakfast, 2 - 100 cal snack pack, box of raisins, pasta salad for lunch and 1 hard boiled egg w/no yolk.......and I am starving! I am busy during this time but all I want to do is eat and think about eating! This drives me insane. So I eat something little thinking it will go away but it doesn't. I wish there was a magic pill to make this go away but there isn't. Luckily when I went to 7-11 I didn't buy anything bad because I would be digging into that now......also Pauline was with me and I knew better becuase she would take it away. The plus side is that we did 1 lap at Votee in 22 minutes and I have 2711 aerobic steps today.....good for me. Working inventory later so I know I will not get a walk in! So I guess I will have a mint, sucker or lollipop and get back to work and try not to think about food. I have some watermelon and will try to wait till 3 pm to have that!!! Good luck to me!!!!

The three hardest words to say...

No, not the three words you might be thinking of....nothing as mushy and sweet as "I love you". For me, the 3 hardest words to say are "No, thank you". I think part of it is that I'm a "people pleaser" - I like to see everyone happy and if saying yes to something I know I should have makes someone happy, I'll do it. I also think part of it is not accepting the reality of being overweight (technically, obese - but I can't wrap my head around that). I don't "feel" obese, if that makes sense - I know I have tons of clothes I can't wear, some that I felt I totally rocked 20 lbs ago...but, I still think I have this disconnect from reality. So, it's hard to say no to something when you don't fully grasp how much work there is to do. I mean, I see the numbers - I'm a huge numbers person so I have iPhone apps, graphs, charts....you name it. I have goals and projections, fully aware of when I should hit goals and milestones...yetI still have a hard time accepting that this is my reality. My husband is naturally thin and a part of me that "forgets" I can't keep up with him - and sometimes, I just need to say "no, thank you" when it comes to something he can have/do that I shouldn't/can't. For example, on Saturday, after a long hike/walk, we went to Ben & Jerry's - I had every intention of getting yogurt (at least it was better than ice cream) but when Mike ordered me the regular ice cream, I didn't speak up. Then the woman said "two scoops, right" and I should have said "No, thank you - one is fine)....but, I didn't. I knew I was consuming 400+ calories of ice cream but I couldn't speak those words. (for the record, I only went over for the day by 68 calories! :) I guess I feel like saying "no, thank you" is like wearing a scarlet letter that says "watch out, she's obese - do not feed her!!" Yes, I have many, many issues which is why I'm still in the shape that I am in. But, I'm becoming more aware and I'm ready to start finding my voice...it's a painful journey at times, though.